October 10, 2024

Did I mention that Lauren and Gavin got married on October 8, 2024? Well they did. After getting engaged in May, they knew they didn’t want to wait long before getting married, and their plan was just to go by themselves to the courthouse to get married. No guests. No traditional ceremony. No traditions at all. No old and new and borrowed and blue. No say yes to the dress moment. No rehearsal. No bouquet. No first dance. Just the two of them.

That’s the way Lauren and Gavin wanted it, and certainly the bride and groom should have it the way they want. But there were conversations about hurt feelings and dashed expectations. We all thought that someday we would all be there to see the wedding. Balancing my own fantasies and dreams about Lauren’s special day against the simplicity of her own perfect plans was a challenge. As I worked through that, I sometimes worried that they didn’t want me, us, all of us, but mostly me, there because they hate me and think that I’m too extra and I’d ruin the whole day. But then I remembered that I have 20 years of Lauren and two years of Gavin to disprove those lies I’d convinced myself of. Stop it Sandie; it was never about you. I had to put my ego and insecurities aside, and I finally landed on knowing that the part of me that was bruised by not being at their wedding was much smaller than the part of me that wanted her to have exactly the day they wanted to have.

But I told Lauren that she needed a dress for her special day, and asked if she would like Paul and me to buy her one. She thought that would be nice , and picked one out online. Just that little bit would have been enough. I had been looking for a way to at least have some kind of fingerprint on her day, and buying the dress was the loophole I’d been looking for. At least I’d know she had something from her parents at her wedding.

Then one Friday driving home from work, we talked on the phone and she asked me if we could watch the dogs for her if she and Gavin had to go out of town sometimes soon. Sure. No problem, we can do that. Oh and there was something else she wanted to ask…what was it…hmmm…oh yeah…did I think Dad and I could get off work October 8 so we could go to their wedding at the courthouse? Gavin’s parents were flying in from Mississippi. Yes My Lovely. We will be there.

Lauren was employed with a wedding planner in the past and knows so much about the behind the scenes stuff. But Lauren wanted to do no planning for her own wedding. She wanted to wake up, get dressed, and get married. That’s it. Anything beyond that was more than she wanted to think about. So since the happy couple had cracked the door just a tiny bit for the parents to walk through, Gavin’s momma and I did some scheming.

Alison ordered a wedding cake from Ava’s Cupcakes (thanks Michelle, it was delicious and beautiful), bought a cake topper, and champagne and personalized flutes. Alison and I scoured tons of pics of Gavin and Lauren growing up, and I put together several slideshows. Alison chose Gavin’s video to play with Somewhere Over the Rainbow (Israel K version) and You are My Sunshine (Zach Bryan) in the background. As I was putting together that slideshow, I’d show Paul a pic and say “that could be the face of our future grandkid.” And for Lauren’s video, of course Hey Soul Sister (Train), and Yours (Post Malone). I also made a video of the two of them together from when they first met. Those two never take a bad pic.

And we asked loved ones to send in short video clips telling Lauren and Gavin congratulations or whatever they wanted to tell them. It was so touching to hear what people had to say about Gav and Lauren individually and as a couple. The video clips were serious and silly and everything in between. I hadn’t met half of the people in the clips since they were Gavin’s people. Now they are Lauren’s people too, and they said all the wonderful things we’ve come to know about this Mississippi man. And Lauren’s people showed up with sentimental sage advice and loving affirmations, and Gavin is blessed to count them as his people now too. When we showed Lauren and Gavin that video the evening before the wedding, I told them that even though they didn’t want guests at their ceremony, there was still a crowd of people who love them and celebrate their union.

The only thing Lauren asked for was jewelry from me and Alison. She wore my strand of pearls Paul bought me for our first married Christmas. And she wore Alison’s “Mississippi cotton ball” earrings. They are a lovely cluster of pearls, and she wore them beautifully.

The wedding couldn’t have been simpler. They had a first-look in the parking lot, sealed with smiles and a tender hug, walked inside, signed some papers, made their vows, exchanged rings, were pronounced husband and wife, and kissed all to the background of Alison and Chris and Paul and me struggling to hold back sniffles.

We forgot the birdseed to throw on the Just Marrieds. That’s ok, we did pretty good remembering everything else with barely any time to plan. Off to a most relaxing dinner telling funny stories, then back to their house for pics and cake and champagne and playing with the dogs.

Lauren is a beauty, and she was glowing on her wedding day. And Gavin is just so handsome. They were happy on Tuesday having just what they wanted. Their marriage will be like all of ours. Perfectly flawed, full of shortcomings and successes, disasters and celebrations, all under the Providence of a loving God who plans ahead to guide His children through all of it. Mr and Mrs Hawes are God’s oil masterpiece on God’s own canvas.

Their wedding was bookmarked by two deadly disasters, and as a lineman, Gavin is part of the band of heroes who helps. He was dispatched to Florida then back up to North Carolina to help restore power after hurricane Helene. He’ll continue to help with western NC power restoration, but he will also likely go back to Florida to repair damage done by hurricane Milton. No rest for the weary, but we were thankful he was afforded time to come home to his own wedding. Please keep all the helpers in your prayers.

They wanted nothing but the micro-est micro-wedding. Lauren and Gavin, thank you for allowing Paul, Alison, Chris, and me to be extra, cracking the door, giving us a loophole, letting us put our fingerprints on your day. I hope we gave you exactly what you wanted. We love you.