Mommie Don’t Be Loud

Y’all this… “Mommie don’t be loud.” Today was a huge day. Grace has been accepted to the University of North Carolina School of the Arts. I. Can’t. Even. Lauren brought the mail inside around 2:30, and we had to wait for Grace to get home from school after 8:00 before finding out what was in…

Waterproof Christmas

December 30, 2016 Christmas is just messy. Paper shreds and bows and boxes and crumbs and boil-overs and meltdowns and gift returns and sugar rushes and hurry and hurry and hurry. I wanted this year to be different. I wanted to have everything baked and prepped and wrapped and decorated and complete in time to…

Next…

December 5, 2016 My Lovely is right there at 12 and quarter. Close to teen. She was the preemie and wore the preemie outfits, but she has been taller than most of her classmates, and a couple teachers, since kindergarten. Middlest. Stuck in between the Biggest and the Littlest. Closer in age to 8 year…

She Didn’t Leave a Note

August 28, 2016 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 So it took me 4 weeks to get up the courage to ask My Gorgeous if she had left a note when she tried to kill herself. I’d been too afraid to find out what a note would have said, and what it wouldn’t have said. And…

Tempest

June 12, 2018 Y’all this…I came home from work today and Grace and her boyfriend are removing all the cards and pictures from her walls. I couldn’t even speak when she told me she was taking it down to taupe walls. My Gorgeous started covering her walls in 2012 when she was secretly cutting herself…

Still East of Eden

July 23, 2016 Vienna Elementary. That’s Vy-anna. In a few weeks, Paul and I will walk Oh Emily down the halls to her 3rd grade open house and in our minds we will remember when Lauren met her 3rd grade teachers. And we will remember that Grace’s first open house at Vienna was for 3rd…

+one

July 17, 2016 I’ve lost track how many +ones we have entertained through the years. From the little neighborhood girls in Seattle at Grace’s 3rd birthday party at the hell known as Chuck E Cheese when Grace was too little to really know what a friend really is, to Lauren and her menagerie of silly-pusses…

Living By the Spirit

July 3, 2016 “My faith has exploded since I’ve been here!” Well, you can’t just make a comment like that and not explain. So we left Ridgecrest Conference Center with Zack and spent the next 3 hours listening to what God was doing in the life of a 19 year old. Zack is Paul’s cousin’s…

As It Is In Heaven

February 15, 2016 I’m certain that I’ve made every bone-headed mistake and poor choice that all the people in the Bible made. And I’ve somehow found favor in the sight of the Lord. I’ve had lack of faith, and I’ve been a hero of faith. Been in the valley of the shadow of death, and…

Oh Emily!

December 28, 2015 “May integrity and uprightness protect me because my hope is in you,” Psalm 25:21 Several years ago, my little family was in danger–relationally, spiritually, physically, every way. Our fear was real to the point of having the police here twice that I remember, hiding weapons around the house, and prayer walking the…

Just Some Girl

November 30, 2015 Lauren told me about the time she was doing a little skit. I don’t even remember when this was and she doesn’t remember the details either. When I asked her to flesh out the story and what kind of character she was playing, she said “I dunno. I was just some girl.”…

She Rocks!

October 5, 2015 Disclaimer again…this is all with Grace’s permission. Just when you thought there wasn’t anything else about My Gorgeous that could surprise you, I’m gonna surprise you. Well maybe. You might have wondered. I mean, something was up with her. The cutting was hard. Really hard to deal with. There’s something about the…

God Breathed

  June 5, 2011 My Sistas, So about a year ago, Lauren took to calling me “The best Mom in the whole entire… Pfafftown!” That’s right ladies. You can drive the 4 miles down Yadkinville Road from the Food Lion to Ted’s Kickin Chicken and you won’t find a better mom than me. Oh Snap!…

Mommie Watch Me!

August 5, 2015 “Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there…

Precious

July 12, 2015 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you. (‭Psalm‬ ‭139‬:‭17-18‬ ESV) Precious. Lately I feel like I don’t want to waste myself on what isn’t…

Put Me In Coach, I’m Ready To Play! No

June 22, 2015 I’m a Softball Mom. That’s my official position as far as Lauren is concerned. My role is to sign her up for the next season, shop for equipment, buy Gatorade and sunflower seeds, sew on her Little League patch, pitch the ball to her in the driveway, and take her down the…

Awesome

June 7, 2015 A year ago I wrote of Grace’s struggles with cutting and depression in honor of Semicolon Day http://cowbird.com/story/91702/Semicolon_Project/ To mark the occasion, I drew a semicolon on my wrist and had my puzzle piece bracelet turned to the words “I AM.” Despite Grace’s cutting and scars, I could see glimpses of God’s…

Rainbow Pegasus

May 8, 2015 Sometimes I don’t know how to do Mommiehood well. Sunday is Mother’s Day and even though we as moms act so outwardly selfless through the year, inwardly I resent my station sometimes. I feel taken advantage of and run over and manipulated and gerrymandered and boundary-less. It’s overwhelming to have 3. Don’t…

Lady Storm

April 25, 2015 “MY NAME IS LAUREN AND YA KNOW WHAT I GOT? What d’ya got? I GOT A TEAM THAT’S HOTTER THAN HOT! How hot is hot? GRAND SLAMS AND HOMERUNS, TOO! Uh huh! Uh huh! NOW LETS SEE WHAT MCKENNA CAN DO! MY NAME’S MCKENNA AND YA KNOW WHAT I GOT?…” The day…

Am I Too Thin?

March 21, 2015 So Emily wanted to play Headbanz. That’s the game where each player puts on a headband that holds a card with a picture saying “I am a…” Since you can’t see your own card on your own head, you ask questions to the other players until you figure out what is on…

I am an Ass

from so long ago June 8, 2009 Sistas, So this morning was crazy. Most mornings that I work are crazy. I’m up early to get myself and the three girls ready with breakfast, getting dressed, straightening rooms, brushing teeth, and doing dishes. Without Paul living here anymore, I have to get the girls to the…

Open Letter to the Sons in Law

January 19, 2015 Open letter to the Sons in Law, I feel for you. You’ve got quite a challenge ahead of you. We’ve been working hard, lo these many years, to raise the bar on what our 3 girls will expect from you. If they choose you. You see, I’ve got mustard and mayo on…

Blessing to the Best Born

December 17, 2014 You know it’s you, right? You’re smiling right now because you are my Best-Born. But look around you. Your sisters are smiling right now, too. But if it wasn’t you, would I have slept on your bedroom floor with a bucket waiting for when, not if, you throw up again? Would I…

Hope In A Jar

November 14, 2014 My Sistas, So I am a make-up foundation snob. Only Bare Minerals for me. And I’m a creature of habit. I only buy it at the Sephora department at JCPenny. I’ll buy cheap eyeshadow and lipstick, but I’m stuck on my Bare Minerals. I was at Sephora a while back to get…

May Angels Watch Me Through the Night

10/08/2014 Sistas, So after a rash of seizures one week last summer…nothin. I’m good with that. Emily’s general demeanor about the seizures has been pretty nonchalant, aside from occasional questions about if God makes her have seizures because He is mad at her. I’ve told her that God trusts her with seizures for some special…

Honestly

July 19, 2014 My Sistas, “Mrs. Sandie! Emily is telling me what to do! She’s not the boss of me!” Well Luca, you’re right. Emily is not your boss. But listen to me…I am telling you to stop throwing sticks and rocks into my creek! “Mommie! Luca is not making me happy! I would like…

Selah

June 21, 2014 My Sistas, Summer break. Aahhhh! I so need that. I’m tired of homework. Packing lunches. Packing snacks. Signing permission slips. Spelling tests. Projects. Multiplication facts. Tired of it. I need a break. Lauren has found her break. Softball. She wanted to play even though she has never been interested in the game…

Epistle to the Contraries

April 19, 2014 Mommie’s epistles to her arguing muses…the First, Second, and Third Contraries. Grace. My Gorgeous. My First Contrary. Oldest. Sissy. Seattle-sojourner. Deep waters. Artist. Keeper of secrets. Wanderluster. You fight quietly…sometimes. You don’t give up on a fight. But you’re like me, you decide when you’ve fought enough on the outside, then you…

What if…

January 11, 2014 My Sistas, My friend Carla posted a Pay it Forward Challenge on FaceBook. The first 8 people who responded to her challenge would receive some kind of blessing from Carla sometime during 2014. Duh, sign me up! Carla asked that anyone who accepts the challenge also offer it to their own FB…

Quickly!

March 3, 2014 My Sistas, “QUICKLY!” In my house that could mean a million things. Emily has tried again to put Kitty Sunday in the dishwasher. Lauren can’t find the remote. Grace is having a nail polish emergency. But at 2 am, “QUICKLY!” can’t be good. I couldn’t sleep again and was downstairs watching Will…

Gift of the Magi

December 14, 2013 My Sistas, First mistake was probably watching 19 Kids and Counting yesterday. I mean, who can compete with Michelle Duggar? Second mistake was on Saturday when Laura said her kids were whiny and I snarkily joked that I personally couldn’t relate. Third mistake was most likely my 3 cups of coffee this…

Superhero

  April 9, 2009 Sistas, All of you have been so kind with your phone calls and emails. You can’t imagine how much they mean to me while I am struggling with direction and purpose. I know that God has put each of you in my life for many reasons, but certainly for this trial….

Well Pleased

January 8, 2013 Sistas, We are a week away from Blessing Sunday at church. Of course I am looking forward to hearing what God wants to speak over me. I remember last year hearing that God wants me to experience His joy more and to find my dance and to know He has huge plans…

Let Me Whisper In Your Ear

October 3, 2011 My Sistas, Let me whisper in your ear…”Hey hey Aunt Sandie! Guess what? I’m a secret agent!” Oh Grayden! And “Mommie, Mommie! Guess what I did! I hid wormies in my room!” Oh Emily! . They are sooo yummy! Not the wormies. Those little whisperings in my ear. They always make me…

Indeed

4/12/2009 My Sistas, I wonder what time Jesus arose Easter morning. It must have been very early because Mary Magdalene would have wanted to annoint His body with myrrh as soon as the Sabbath was over. John 20 says it was still dark when Mary went to the tomb and found the stone rolled away….

Anxious

July 14, 2012 My Sistas, Here we are on our way to the beach for family vacay. Thankful for this time away with Paul and the girls, and our bonus-daughter Annemarie, Grace’s dear friend. Sitting in the car gives me lots of time to think. I have been thinking about freedom lately. 4th of July…

Back Row Christians

January 21, 2013 My Sistas, Back in the day when I was coming up, the house phone was in the kitchen on the wall with a 10 foot cord, so if you called me, I was in the kitchen within a 10 foot radius of that spot on the wall. Then when I got my…

Ergo, I am Nora Jones

January 12, 2013 Sistas, It’s 6 miles from church to my driveway. Six short miles. But a few weeks ago driving home from church Emily called my name 36 times. 36 times! Numbers 18,19,20, and 21 at mile 3.2 went like this “Mommie! Mommie! Never mind. I forgot. Mommie! Nope, never mind. Mommie! I still…

It’s Just Gum

March 17, 2011 Sistas, “MOTHER WILL YOU PLEASE SPEAK TO YOUR DAUGHTER ABOUT STEALING?!” Sure Grace. Which daughter? Sticky Fingers Lauren or 5 Finger Discount Emily? Or is this a confession, and you really want me to talk to YOU about stealing? Turns out Lauren stole 2 pieces of Grace’s gum out of her book…

Amoxicillin

January 17, 2011 My Sistas, I had a friend in Seattle who suffered from frequent sinus infections and she was miserable to be around when she had one. Since I had never had a sinus infection before, I thought she was just being dramatic by complaining so much. But when I got my first sinus…

Love Story

April 21, 2009 Sistas, I want a love story. Passionate. Scary. Hearts. Rainbows. Impatient. Hungry. Tender. Monogamous. Forever. I want Puppy-Love that starts with a coy note. “Do you like me? Check the box…yes…or no.” Daisies with their hopeful petals. He loves me. He loves me not. Initials carved inside a heart on a tree….