August 12, 2024

Paul will call the corner pocket, line up his shot, and the 8 ball goes right where he plans. But that dang cue ball seems to have a mind of its own, or maybe it has my mind, and the cue ball ricochets into a pocket. That scratch, my friends, ends Paul’s run and his dreams of another victory, and it’s how I win the game. The other way I win is by cheating, because winning by skill is not likely…especially after some moonshine.

I didn’t really have time for a double date almost 31 years ago. I needed to finish writing a paper that was due the next day, but Ashely called me and asked if I would just go along because sometimes it’s best to bring a friend. Paul wasn’t in the mood for a double date. He was licking his wounds from his marriage that had just ended, but Dustin was tired of Paul moping around their apartment, belly aching and feeling sorry for himself. Neither of us were really expecting anything significant since we were just going as wingmen for Ashley and Dustin, but well, here we are.

When Ashely and I knocked at their apartment, the door was ajar and swung open. Paul was in the kitchen ironing his pants for this date, and he hustled to get his legs in the pants and pull-up-trou as we walked through the door. He was only halfway successful. What a first impression! The four of us hung out for awhile then went to play pool and drink beer.

I was so not a pool player, or a beer drinker. But it was a pool hall so ordering a beer seemed appropriate. In the 31 years since that first date, I’ve maybe had two other beers. Maybe. I didn’t even finish the beer Paul bought for me that night. I barely drank what was in the neck of the bottle and Paul finished the rest. I like to joke that one night I ordered a beer and ended up getting married.

There’s that awkward moment at the end of a date when it’s time to say goodnight. Neither of us were the reason for this date; Paul and I were accessories meant to keep the conversation going and act as distractions if necessary. Paul’s job was to help Dustin carry the beers from the bar, and my job was to accompany Ashely to the bathroom to fix makeup. So no expectation for a life altering good night kiss or even to exchange phone numbers.

But it started to rain lightly and the moon and half ounce of beer and his eyes and hands and kiss…

It was life altering. We were married a year and a half later, twenty nine years ago today. This past weekend we rented a cabin in Gatlinburg for our anniversary. Since I don’t drink beer, Paul brings the moonshine which helps my pool game because it fuels my cheating. There’s a rule about keeping one foot on the floor. Rules…schmules. And you’re not supposed to interrupt your opponent’s play, but I laid my cue stick across the table blocking Paul’s shot and asked him what he was thinking when we went out on the double date.

“I was in a bad place, and all that shit changed with that kiss.” My moonshine was hitting pretty hard, definitely much harder than that sip of beer ever did, and I sat down. I wasn’t expecting Paul to get this serious over pool, either the current game or the one 31 years ago, but well, here we are.

“I wasn’t expecting Sandie Kepple to walk through that door and change everything.” He told me that he knew I was different and that he felt something for me he didn’t expect to feel, and wasn’t prepared to feel. The wingman hit turbulence.

I guess meeting me made Paul realize he was hungry for a different kind of relationship and a second chance at doing it right. And meeting Paul made me realize that a guy could actually be a good guy who would call me and show up for me. Once we fell for each other, there weren’t any doubts in dating

One of the truest, most honest things I can say about my marriage is also one of the hardest things to admit. All my doubts came after “I do.” Once the hard times hit, I wondered what I’d gotten myself into. What had I done? Mistakes and broken promises and regrets and back-pedaling and humiliation and separation and failure and brokenness and incredible redemption from my God who wastes nothing in His economy. There was fellowship and prayer and friendship and humility and mutual apologies and love and forgiveness and growth and Grace and Lauren and Emily. And now we’ve added Eli and Gavin and Harry. Who’s next?

So back to the pool table in Gatlinburg…I never realized how deeply Paul felt that first night and how much he needed to feel something so deeply. Maybe it’s too much for a girl to have to fill the self imposed emptiness inside a guy’s heart. And maybe a guy with a mullet shouldn’t have to make up for all the shortcomings of all the other guys. I don’t know how three decades passed before I knew things I learned last Friday night. I felt like that was a story I was 30 years late hearing. We played pool listening to Amazon Music Yacht Rock. The music was the perfect soundtrack to the years and the night. I lost even when I cheated. Paul lost when he scratched shooting the 8 ball. We both lost and we both won.

Little River Band…Reminiscing

Friday night, it was late, I was walking you home 
We got down to the gate and I was dreaming of the night
Would it turn out right
How to tell you girl
I want to build my world around you 
Tell you that it’s true 
I want to make you understand I’m talkin’ about a lifetime plan

Hurry, don’t be late, I can hardly wait 
I said to myself when we’re old 
We’ll go dancing in the dark 
Walking through the park and reminiscing