April 11, 2026

Bennett Lane Hawes arrived by planned C-section on April 6. The entire Hawes family is home now and doing great.

He has perfect hair, as expected, because of his Daddy. And the in the first pic we got of him, Bennett was crying, and he’s got his Momma’s poochy lip. He seems to have his Pappy’s quiet spirit, and I sense an adventurer brewing beneath like his GiGi. So far, I’ve seen Bennett just taking it all in, observing, absorbing like he might have some insight to give once he finds his words, just like his Papa. This breech baby was born of a breech momma born of a breech Lolli. Hopefully that will be the worst of me that he gets.

Bennet became after many months of tears and misses and failures. Lauren and Gavin were starting the process of medical intervention, when suddenly they learned that wouldn’t be necessary. But then Lauren was told at her second ultrasound that she was miscarrying and she should just go home and wait for the crimson. Lauren didn’t believe that was true, so she changed doctors and here we are now with Bennett. Too often doctors are sadly right about that, but not this time.

We grandparents waited another 7 weeks before we could tell anyone, and that was hard to keep quiet. I kept the secret pretty well, somewhat, kinda sorta.

Bennett and I are rocking back and forth on the front porch swing at his house. It’s 79° and shady and breezy and gorgeous with azaleas and pine trees and magnolias and dogwood in view, but my eyes are on Bennett. Asleep. Baby sounds. Newborn scrunch. A smile as the angels whisper in his ear. Papa brought lunch to the new parents, but I’m not letting go of Bennett. Let them eat. Papa can relieve me soon and I’ll grab a bite. But for the moment, I’m absorbing Bennett. I’m whispering in his ear. I’m swinging him like a breeze. I’m waiting for him to wake up but not wanting to waste a precious second of watching him sleep. I’m thinking of how my heart didn’t expect to ever be big enough to love a man like Paul, let alone have room for three daughters, two sons-in-law, and now two grandkids and another on the way. I’m crying but in the best way. It’s growing pains for me, not for Bennett. It’s like with this newest nearest and dearest, my tiny heart has once again pushed outward against tight inner walls, outgrowing cramped confines, going beyond boundaries, mocking margins, cracking its shell, busting outside of itself, surprising me with an explosion of new love, more love than I thought I could muster, but somehow it’s natural and free.

Bennett and I have talked about the adventures he will have with Lolli. Parks and zoos and toys and pretend and make believe. But today, we are swinging in the breeze on a lovely Spring afternoon. Lolli’s thing is to tell song lyrics like a story. So today Bennet heard his first story with Lolli. I hope Bennett always knows how much Lolli loves him. Bennett, you have changed my life and you’re a dream to me.

Oh, my life
Is changing every day
In every possible way
And oh, my dreams
It’s never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems

I know I’ve felt like this before
But now I’m feeling it even more
Because it came from you
Then I open up and see
The person falling here is me
A different way to be

I want more
Impossible to ignore
Impossible to ignore
They’ll come true
Impossible not to do
Impossible not to do

And now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don’t hurt me
You’re what I couldn’t find
A totally amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You’re everything to me

Oh, my life
Is changing every day
In every possible way
And oh, my dreams
It’s never quite as it seems
‘Cause you’re a dream to me, dream to me (Cranberries “Dreams”)